For those who feel that everyday life is a whirlwind of work, kids’ activities, volunteer obligations, chores around the house, and social events – the holiday season can intensify the whirlwind to tornado-sized proportions.

"Living at speed," is what Carol St. John, facilitator at Women in Transition, 148 Barrington Street, Rochester, calls it. "We cram as much as we can into every day," St. John said, "and we don’t pause long enough to figure out why we’re not enjoying any of it."

In the 1950s, keeping up with the Joneses meant having a nice car, lawn mower and backyard barbecue. In 2000, keeping up means making sure the family calendar is as full as everyone else’s.

"We’ve become convinced that doing more is better, that having as many experiences as possible is better," said St. John. "We do each thing at speed, so we can get onto the next thing, instead of at depth, which is where true fulfillment is usually found."

When the holiday season arrives, many people are hoping for that Norman Rockwellian- Christmas - where family members enjoy each other’s company, everyone receives the perfect gift, meals are tasty and traditional, and the true spirit of Christmas has a palpable presence.

To achieve it, ironically, most people adhere to the already-plotted super-schedule and then attempt to squeeze in all the holiday activities that are expected to create magical memories. It doesn’t work.

"The desire for having a meaningful holiday can’t be crammed into the calendar at 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon," St. John said. "It has to be given the time it needs to evolve."

So what happens? Many people, particularly women, begin to experience the symptoms of stress – fatigue, procrastination, irritability, headaches and stomach-upset, and other illnesses.

Adding to the stressfulness can be other emotional factors – the loss of a loved one, the first Christmas following a divorce, or a difficult relationship with in-laws.

The solution is easier said than done - slow down. Make doing less a conscious choice. "We often talk about choosing what to do," St. John said, "but choosing what not to do is just as important. It takes time to make those choices."

Some suggestions, take a look at that December calendar. Would it really hurt to miss that committee meeting? Skip a party or two? Tell the kids’ coaches they won’t be at practice the week before Christmas? Forget trying to fit in a holiday performance, tree lighting ceremony, and craft show. Stay home two nights a week to do nothing.

It’s while nothing is planned that families might find the true meaning of Christmas that they’ve been searching for in a list of activities. Shutting out the rest of the world while decorating the Christmas tree, making a gingerbread house, reading a holiday story out loud, or watching Christmas videos together, can help kindle the depth of experience many people find lacking.

Eve Bunting’s "Night Tree" tells the story of a family that strings popcorn and covers pine cones in bird seed then drives out into the country to decorate a tree in the woods for the animals. Their breath is visible in the cold night air as the family sings Christmas carols around the tree and stomps their feet to keep warm. You know they’re having a moment chock full of depth and meaning – one not possible if the kids are at lessons and parents are at meetings.

The first step in de-stressing the holidays is deciding what you really want to get out of the season. If it’s depth of experience, not quantity of experience, then start trimming the calendar before you start trimming the tree.

Women in Transition offers workshops to help women cope with the many transitions undergone in life – the loss of a loved one, divorce, return to the workforce, relocation, empty-nest syndrome and more. A stress free holiday workshop will be held on December 6 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the center, 148 Barrington Street, Rochester. Cost is $30 and reservations can be made by calling 271-3210. The workshop will include tips on how to balance your needs with the needs of others, healthy holiday recipes, pampering yourself during the hectic season, and developing action steps to make the holidays what you want them to be.